Yes, that Chelsea Barraco. Whatever that means.
Writers, angsty twenty-somethings, bored folks at work, CEOs, soccer moms, stay-at-home dads, local celebrities, local nobodies, artists, no-talent assclowns, readers, homebodies, busybodies, bleeding heart liberals, open minded conservatives, musicians, bartenders, friends, neighbors, strangers, hard-workers, chicks, dudes, trannies, foodies, winos, punks, scrubs, and many more are welcome here.
This is true. And it is from one of my favorite childhood books, Matilda by Roald Dahl
(via miniclothespins)
I checked this story a couple of times, because when I first read it I could not comprehend how it could have possibly been true.
Grady Franklin Stiles Jr. was born as a fourth generation “lobster man”. The medical term for this condition is ectrodactly- the fusing of fingers and toes form claw-like extremities. Grady’s father did what anybody with a deformity did back in the 1800’s, he took his lobster ass on the road with the circus; and as you may have guessed, his son would follow suit.
Stiles used a wheelchair to get around some of the time since he could not walk, but as a result of his disability, he developed incredible upper body strength from dragging himself around (and he did this often, as he drank a lot).
Grady Stiles was married twice- three times specifically as he married wife Maria two separate times. He was father to four children, two of whom were “lobster children” and went on the road with their pop as the “Lobster family”.
Although only half of Stiles’ children were born Lobster babies one thing that was consistent in both of Stiles’ families was his tendency to be a violent, asshole drunk. Stiles was a mean sonofabitch, not the kind of guy who ties one on and merely kicks the neighbor’s cat, but the kind of guy who murders his eldest daughter’s fiance the night before her wedding. Read it again-yeah he did that.
So this story gets even fucking weirder now- at Stiles trial he openly confesses to murdering his daughter’s fiance, because, ‘fuck that guy, that’s why’, and he gets THIRD DEGREE MURDER! He shot the poor bastard, admitted to it, and gets third degree? Wait for it- wait for it- so because of Stiles’ lobster condition- (that didn’t seem to slow him down from making money, procreating, and murdering people) - he was not sent to prison because the facilities were not equipped to handle someone with his condition. (WHAT.THE.FUCK!?) Instead Stiles was sentenced to fifteen years probation.
For a little while Stiles cleaned up his act and stopped drinking, but then he realized he (LITERALLY) got away with murder and started drinking again and being an even MORE violent, repugnant prick. His wife Maria (the one he married twice) contacted her son (from a previous marriage), Harry Glenn Newman Jr, to set up a hit on her (sort of) convicted felon husband. Newman hired- a side show performer (!!!!) by the name of Chris Wyant to kill off his mother’s twice-acquired, lobster husband from hell.
To wrap up, Wyant killed Stiles with three gunshots, and then Wyant, Newman, and Maria were all brought to court for the murder trial. Wyant was convicted of SECOND degree murder and sentenced to 27 years in prison, Newman was sentenced to life a the mastermind behind the murder, and Maria was sentenced to 12 years in prison for conspiracy to commit murder.
Look it up. Unbefuckinglievable
I use football purely as an excuse to make junk food and drink heavily.
